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This is irritating

September 3rd, 2008 at 06:16 pm

First of all, the responses to my earlier post cracked me up! You guys are hilarious!

But now I'm slightly upset. Please tell me if I'm over reacting.

I was invited to a wedding of two people I really don't know very well, but we have a lot of mutual friends, have hung out, etc. I've already spent $40 on a wedding gift (a set of glasses they asked for on their registry), and while I will most likely not be able to attend the wedding, I've sent my best wishes.

Again, let me reiterate I don't really know these people very well.

I was just invited to the wedding shower ... that is THIS SUNDAY ... and asked to spend money on gift cards to either a spa or clothing store or something for the bride.

Which would be fine, because I realize that's what a bridal shower is, and I would usually be more than happy to be a part of it, BUT:

1) This gives me, um, three days to get this done? Let me be selfish here for a second and say ... look, I work ten hour days. Not that I'm pissed there's a bridal shower, but could we have more than three days to get this done? To not only find the time to get something, but to also BUDGET for it???

2) I'm having some DRAMA with one of the bridesmaids. I'm not a fan of DRAMA, but it's going on, and I really think it would be unfair to the BRIDE to possibly force any unwanted tension on her. (No tension from me ... I think we all know some people love drama and just need it around, though ...)

3)Um, again, I don't really know these people??? I don't understand??? I was on the special invite list and everything. I know two of the people well, I kind of sorta not really know the bride, and that's it.

I'm thinking of politely declining and sending a gift certificate. But am I being petty? Do I have a point or am I just irritated for nothing?

12 Responses to “This is irritating”

  1. monkeymama Says:

    Not only would I not show up but I would not send a gift.

    Weddings annoy me. Mostly because I did not expect 1/10 of this stuff for my wedding (1/10 of what most people expect?)

    Likewise, I set aside my annoyance (well, I try - it was hard when SIL had an EXTRAVAGANT wedding that we were expected to spend much time and money on) but for the most part I set it all aside for close friends and relatives.

    When it comes to people I barely know? Eh. They'll get over it. The $40 wedding gift is PLENTY.

  2. mom-from-missouri Says:

    I think I would say I had other plans and not go.

    I have been in your situation before and kind of wondered if part of it was just a ploy to get more gifts.

  3. disneysteve Says:

    I agree. I would say you can't make it. No need to send a gift if you don't attend. A wedding gift is more than sufficient, especially if you aren't attending that either.

    And 3 days notice for a shower is ridiculous.

  4. compulsive debtor Says:

    I'm with all of the above. Just send your regards. No need to send a gift even.

  5. Thrifty Ray Says:

    Regrets are plenty. The wedding gift is more than enough for a casual aquaintance.

  6. my english castle Says:

    We're unanimous. "I have other plans that day" covers everything from reading the paper to solving the nation's financial crisis. Stay home.

  7. debtfreeme Says:

    three days for a shower is unbelievable rude. i do a lot of wedding planning and that is a joke.

    i would send my regrets and nothing else. you are not expected to give a gift if you are not going to be there.

    regrets is polite and all you need.

    (out of curoisity, how was the invitation done, email, email or phone?)

  8. Mary Beth Says:

    If it were me, I would politely decline saying that I had other plans that day. I use that line often and tell my teenage girls to use it also. They have finally learned that the other plans can be as simple as "not attending the event". Still a plan as far as I am concerned. I don't think you need to send a shower gift, especially if you were invited only 3 days ago. It is not like you know them well, are related etc. Also, the three days notice smells to me like someone is just trying to get the bride more gifts. I think politely declining and then sending the wedding gift is more than sufficient. And if anyone is offended, maybe you will get lucky and they will cross you off their guest list for future invites with only 3 days notice. (Kidding - sort of!)

  9. Ima saver Says:

    I agree with all of the above, do not attend and send no gift.

  10. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Good grief, that does not even give time for a mailed response declining the invitation to arrive at the host's home.

  11. sillyoleme Says:

    I agree with everyone else, and I'm typically a big gift-giver (maybe not the SIZE of the gift, but I always want to give SOMETHING). I agree with what some have said - it's fishy that you were only notified of this shower 3 days before. Sounds like some of the original invitees can't go, and they're stressing out over not having "enough" gifts/attendees.

    And I think a $40 wedding gift is plenty too, I would say that you appreciate the invite but have other plans already, and leave it at that. Good luck! Smile

  12. boomeyers Says:

    Yep, I agree with the majority! Politely decline and do not send a gift. If you go to the wedding, take a gift, if not, send some money. Sounds good!

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